I can show you colours that never existed
Show you I’ve got something!
Might be moving back to Barrow
Only for 6 weeks but I get the feeling if I stay up there I wont bother coming back.
Near death experience.
Whilst I’m in the mood to write I want to document the near death experience that has kept me away from suicide.
I made my decision that I couldn’t live inside my my own fucked up mind anymore and decided to end it. I took a rope. Tied it to the back of the door and attached the other end around my neck and slowly leaned forward towards the drop I created using my amp, I wanted it to be slow. I wanted to feel every second of it so I decided to lean forward and cut the air off until I blacked out and took the dive to hanging. After a while my vision completely went and I was left staring at this beautiful face in my mind that was just looking at me with piercing blue eyes. I could feel myself getting closer and closer towards her when she said to me “live” and repeated it 3-4 times. At that point it all went quiet.
I remember lying on the ground wondering if this was it. I still hadn’t regained my vision yet so it felt like I was for all intents and purposes, dead. It felt beautiful. But then, just like I did when I had tried overdosing I woke up. Checked that the rope was still around my neck which it was. The hook that I had tied the other end of the rope to had snapped and come off the wall and I had fallen to the ground of my bedroom. After the first initial wave of disappointment I remembered the face that I had seen and felt a wave of euphoria. To this day whenever I get crazy enough to contemplate trying it again with a hopefully more successful outcome I feel the same wave of euphoria.
I keep dreaming about hallucinating. It starts off like I’ve just had Ketamine and ends up like a full blown acid trip. I’m not complaining about it. It’s been ages since I’ve taken anything yet it seems as real as the first time I tripped. I even wake up feeling the afterglow that I get when I trip. This is like the 3rd time in 2 weeks that i have had the same dream and it generally involves me starting at home and ending up in Morrisons of all places!! I don’t actually take the drugs in my dream just have the effects. I need to quit this sobriety lark. I’ve missed tripping…
The great salvia experience
I was getting the train from Barrow back down to London and I had a gram of 20x Salvia extract and an hours wait at Lancaster so I decided to go exploring. I found myself sat on a wooden pallet in the middle of a group of trees with litter surrounding the pallet. I got my pipe out and filled the bowl full of this wonderful substance and prepared myself for what I knew was going to be a great experience. Not the best trip I have ever had from salvia but the one that sticks in my mind the most. I held the flame to the bowl and inhaled deeply for about 10 seconds and held the smoke in for 20-30 seconds and exhaled this big plume of this almost orange tinted smoke. I could feel the effects immediately and as my world began to shut down before my very eyes I quickly finished off the remaining smoldering embers left in my pipe and sat in the meditating position