Maybe I'm a genius or maybe i just think a lot.

I can show you colours that never existed

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 17:03:54 +0000

Show you I’ve got something!

Might be moving back to Barrow

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 21:51:18 +0000

Only for 6 weeks but I get the feeling if I stay up there I wont bother coming back.

Near death experience.

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 17:30:46 +0000

Whilst I’m in the mood to write I want to document the near death experience that has kept me away from suicide.

I made my decision that I couldn’t live inside my my own fucked up mind anymore and decided to end it. I took a rope. Tied it to the back of the door and attached the other end around my neck and slowly leaned forward towards the drop I created using my amp, I wanted it to be slow. I wanted to feel every second of it so I decided to lean forward and cut the air off until I blacked out and took the dive to hanging. After a while my vision completely went and I was left staring at this beautiful face in my mind that was just looking at me with piercing blue eyes. I could feel myself getting closer and closer towards her when she said to me “live” and repeated it 3-4 times. At that point it all went quiet.

I remember lying on the ground wondering if this was it. I still hadn’t regained my vision yet so it felt like I was for all intents and purposes, dead. It felt beautiful. But then, just like I did when I had tried overdosing I woke up. Checked that the rope was still around my neck which it was. The hook that I had tied the other end of the rope to had snapped and come off the wall and I had fallen to the ground of my bedroom. After the first initial wave of disappointment I remembered the face that I had seen and felt a wave of euphoria. To this day whenever I get crazy enough to contemplate trying it again with a hopefully more successful outcome I feel the same wave of euphoria.

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Wed, 15 Feb 2012 17:13:52 +0000

Photo

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 17:12:56 +0000

tommyknockers: Enter the Void (2009) Gaspar Noe

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 17:12:12 +0000

tommyknockers:

Enter the Void (2009) Gaspar Noe

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Wed, 15 Feb 2012 17:11:46 +0000

Dreaming

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 17:08:35 +0000

I keep dreaming about hallucinating. It starts off like I’ve just had Ketamine and ends up like a full blown acid trip. I’m not complaining about it. It’s been ages since I’ve taken anything yet it seems as real as the first time I tripped. I even wake up feeling the afterglow that I get when I trip. This is like the 3rd time in 2 weeks that i have had the same dream and it generally involves me starting at home and ending up in Morrisons of all places!! I don’t actually take the drugs in my dream just have the effects. I need to quit this sobriety lark. I’ve missed tripping…

Reblog if your vagina is magical.

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 23:43:10 +0000

minesapint:

Obviously…

The great salvia experience

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 20:38:54 +0000

I was getting the train from Barrow back down to London and I had a gram of 20x Salvia extract and an hours wait at Lancaster so I decided to go exploring. I found myself sat on a wooden pallet in the middle of a group of trees with litter surrounding the pallet. I got my pipe out and filled the bowl full of this wonderful substance and prepared myself for what I knew was going to be a great experience. Not the best trip I have ever had from salvia but the one that sticks in my mind the most. I held the flame to the bowl and inhaled deeply for about 10 seconds and held the smoke in for 20-30 seconds and exhaled this big plume of this almost orange tinted smoke. I could feel the effects immediately and as my world began to shut down before my very eyes I quickly finished off the remaining smoldering embers left in my pipe and sat in the meditating position

I could hear voices calling in the distance and it felt like they were beckoning me into staying on this pallet for the rest of my human life and becoming one with the litter. the trees were swaying in a way that made me contemplate if they were also asking me to stay with them. I felt the presence of something great lurking over me guiding my thoughts and feelings. Like it was fate that had led me to this secluded spot in an attempt to make me stay there. Everything was swaying diagonally and I could feel myself being sucked into they swaying motion. I became aware that I was talking to myself but only one side of the conversation. The other side of the conversation appeared to be coming from the tree who had become my spirit guide. I recall asking the tree what it is that I do now and getting the response “you go” at that point I slowly came out of the world and stopped hearing the advice of my guide and began realizing that I was sat on some wood in a forest and that it was not feasible for me to stay here. I gathered my things and stood up, still feeling the effects I started wandering back towards the glow of the streetlights and into the real world that I was doomed to live in. I noticed a great euphoric feeling for the rest of the night and it felt as if all my worries and problems had burnt away at the same time as the salvia. It truly is a herb to be respected and I can’t wait to get more of it.

There is something amusing

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 20:12:35 +0000

About using my own blood to wet the gum of a cigarette. I’m a weird person 0.o

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Fri, 30 Dec 2011 10:43:07 +0000

I'm actually really happy.

Fri, 30 Dec 2011 09:47:11 +0000

I’m sat in my living room drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes with my absolute best friend. I really don’t want to go back down south! oh well. Of to town soon to get a shit load of legal high and get absolutely fucked. So glad I came back when i did. Otherwise I would have genuinely gone insane!

I miss life when:

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 19:55:27 +0000

When everything seemed positive. When i had more manic highs than manic lows with my Bi-Polar. When I wasn’t socially inept unless I’m under the influence of something. When I didn’t have to try my absolute hardest to face waking up to my dismal reality. When things in my life looked like they were going to work out fine. I miss my friends. I miss just being able to go out and see people and chill out instead of having to go to the pub to meet people like I do in this god damn town where I know no one who is my age. I want things to go back to how they were last year. I wish that I had found somewhere to live in Barrow when I got kicked out instead of having to move 250 miles away from the only people I have ever trusted to live with my dad.

I’m visiting Barrow tomorrow yet I still can’t seem to get out of this fucking low mood. I hate it. Why can’t shit go right for once?!

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Tue, 27 Dec 2011 20:36:20 +0000

Why I don't like being in a relationship.

Tue, 27 Dec 2011 19:04:02 +0000

Because I’m not me when I’m in one. Because I’ve watched every single friend drastically change for someone. Because I’m young, and I want to continue being me. And for the mean while, I live my life for my friends with the occasional chance of getting laid. That’s all I need.

"We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter..."

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 14:15:03 +0000

“We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers… Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.”

- Hunter S. Thompson (Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas)

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Thu, 22 Dec 2011 22:16:39 +0000

It's time to admit that I have a serious drug problem

Thu, 15 Dec 2011 18:27:53 +0000

The problem is. I cant f**king get any!

Anyone else ever drink to escape to reality?

Sat, 10 Dec 2011 14:02:35 +0000